How deep is the hurt?
Where does it lie now?
Can it be fished out and
cried for all over again?
Is it too deep to ever surface?
Or does those little stingy tears
till have the power over you?
Can they still kill the dead you?
Fragments, words, sleep, sleepless
Dust to dust thou art.
posted by Tuya @ 01:05
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we went to the Chirstmas fair in school which I found very nice, it looked like a small European village in the middle of HK. Though kids' activities weren't that impressive. Rushed back to the school presentation - it was lovely, had an hour and a half of really useful talk. Then went over to N's place for dinner, jumping gym and just tons of fun. The kids enjoyed so much that I was really really touched. There is a certain awesomeness about children brought up in a non-pressured environment which unless you watch the difference you cannot ever understand. I watched that little child who had no clues about hard-grilled literacy and numeracy typical of the island children, happy and natural as a bird in the sky on a bright blue sunny day. Island children of his age would be going to school, kumon, gymnastic, soccer, art, paint, and stars only know what else. Whose parents would have applied to schools at least 3 years back, would have found out all the pros and cons of the target schools.... ahh, the picture is so familiar and after yesterday's experience a bit disheartening. Just to see the freshness of non-pressure is a delight! Innovation, creativity, out-of-the box thinking can happen here where you are not hammered into a shape already - be that of a box or a non-box, you cannot step out. Sigh! I just hope the HK pressure does not get to that lovely family with so much to give.
posted by Tuya @ 11:40
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I totally forgot when Arunav lost his first tooth. Last week I got a pink huge candy stick for Aarushi (yeah I guess I was missing her when she went to school and just went soft to buy that one). When she came home she was rushing to eat the same. I told her to calm down, slow down and eat properly as the candy is not going to fly away. She of course kept rushing. Suddenly she cried - my tooth hurts. I got upset as I saw the front tooth all wobbly - I thought she damaged it while crazily biting onto the huge pink stick. I scolded her and only a week later did I realize that it is actually time for her to lose her first tooth! The realization came when a classmate of hers lost his first tooth...Oops mommy!
posted by Tuya @ 21:14
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and I thought some more, dug deeper to realize, I totally hate hurting other people....yes, that's where it is hurting me the most.
posted by Tuya @ 00:33
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One of those days when I do not know whether I did good or I did bad. I had to do something, but I do not like the repercussions and yet the repercussions are not in my hand. If a child bullies, what the child is doing is bad - but the child is not. I would tell the child the same way as I would tell my own, not to say hurtful words and that would be the end of it. If I have to tell a parent about the child, what action the parent takes on the child is not in my hand (and it should not be), yet I feel terribly bad for the child and guilty of being indirectly responsible for whatever action is taken on the child. I feel guilty to tell the parent also because I took their peace of mind away.
Is my guilt misplaced? Possibly. Yet, I cannot always explain why I feel what I feel. I just know that I do. So my day today from start to end was made of having to do endless such 'have-to-do' items which just progressively made me feel miserable, leaving me feeling sick and in tears at the end.
Do I sound ridiculous as a friend said? Or could I have done something differently? I do not see how - I guess I am growing into that sort of person who hates conflict.
posted by Tuya @ 22:58
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posted by Tuya @ 21:29
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posted by Tuya @ 00:09
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The deepest of hurts is to see your hurt
The deepest of fears is to see you fear.
The happiest happiness is still mine
Though yours play a big role in my sunshine.
posted by Tuya @ 13:46
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I did not leave my desk since the morning. Yet and so, it was a fruitful 5 hours I have spent. S called saying the Diwali celebration in school is in mess, I need to do something to push things forward. Sent a mail and things are more or less sorted - glad everyone responded and co-operated. Same with the other class! W sent a mail asking me if I could take lead in the next special interest group meeting presentation. Found a theme, an article, a few questions and the next meeting is set. My course group presentation slides are almost ready, draft circulated, waiting for feedback from group mates. Now preparing for the project outline to be submitted coming Monday and getting ready to have S stay with us from 8th to 13th. Next I need to rush to the University for Prof. B's presentation on the HK findings, right after which I take Aarushi for the French portrait and back home by 7.30 I hope.
And then someone told me the other day, well I am working you know - I have no time.
posted by Tuya @ 14:24
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Suzannie sketches beautifully and she is beautiful. She sits by HKU and sketches the front portico. Everyone knowing the portico can understand what she has sketched when they look at it as a whole, they cannot when they see just the lines being drawn; anyone not knowing can appreciate the beauty of a place unknown. It is astounding in its simplicity and elegance.
Just a few seemingly careless scratches
The lead marks spreading here and there
The white paper smudged with ugly lines.
Before long, no one notices the plight of white
The ugly lines become a vibrating form,
The elegance of the smudges,
The beauty ensemble!
The few birds chirping
The trees casting their afternoon shadow
The lily pool quiet with reflections
The students strolling by
Calm and peace fills the soul
Crystal clear thoughts run like a stream and
The beauty ensemble!
posted by Tuya @ 16:12
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You do not have to be, because of them
You have to be only because of you.
You do not need any approval
Their's or their's
Just your and your.
Ah, the "form generating capability of our senses" !
Ah, the "multistable perception" !
Gestalt, which is the real and which is the illusion then?
It is not enough to say they exist,
How and why they do?
The 'me' or the 'him' they perceive
or
The 'me' and the 'him' we know.
I will not draw that line to alter
the Gestaltic image of the 'me' and 'him'.
They need to draw it if they want to see.
They need to complete that which is
obvious but cannot be shown.
posted by Tuya @ 15:49
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Shyam was revising Hindi stuff with Aarushi when she read the word "Hawan". Shyam asked whether she knows what that means. She confidently said," Of course! It's Heaven."
posted by Tuya @ 19:55
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If the songs at 2.00am can give me goosebumps and bring tears... they are priceless, timeless.
Aji Bijon ghore.
Mone ki didha rekhe gele chole
Am I also becoming biased, stereotyped when I wonder how can a man express his feelings like this!
A thousand more years
A thousand more lives....
more importantly.....
million more sorrows
million more happiness
before words can flow like this.
posted by Tuya @ 02:06
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Had a beautiful yet very busy Karva Chauth day. I fasted without water/food and it was no worry at all. Had a HKU meeting for 3 hours held at a venue 1 hour far - umph, but had a lovely meeting - yayyy! Came back at noon, made Shahi Tukda. My first attempt - loved the result. People loved it too, they said I have a flair for desserts and each is a piece of art - yay! Went and met a visiting friend from my engineering days - that was lovely. Met Seema - the one with the beautiful eyes and the infectious happiness around her always - again yay! When I broke the fast the moon was up, the room was peaceful and I could imagine S rightaway, even though he was not here for me to break it - yay once more! Loved the talk and laughter buzzing around C's house...though some people always can hurt - really wonder how some always have that special capacity of having no other interaction with you, coming to you, saying a really hurtful thing in the guise of a fake laugh and move away - hrmph!
But so many yays to outweigh the umph and hrmphs :)
Oh and one more - with the leftover bread from shahi tukda, I made a caramel bread pudding - first attempt and success. What more can someone want?
The bottle of perfumed time
was empty.
Clean, sparkling, fresh.
Lustrous whiteness
The lilies of new times
New beginnings.
Hetha hote jao puraton!
posted by Tuya @ 01:25
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" If meaning derives from existence, then from what does existence derive its meaning? "
posted by Tuya @ 10:29
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I am happy.
I am thankful.
I am glad.
posted by Tuya @ 10:07
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You can design and create, and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it takes people to make the dream a reality. Walt Disney
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