Eternal debate
As I reflect on what more I can do in life as my kids become older, I often get into this debate with my friends - the eternal debate of "working mom's child" and "non-working mom's child". (Though one other friend had once told me "non-working mom" is an oxymoron - and of course I liked to hear that :)
I really would have loved to know which child grows up better. For me statistics is meaningless - e.g. if statistics says 60% working mom's kids perform better in life - it really doesn't mean anything to me. There are so many questions attached to that, what is 'better in life', what if my child happens to be one of the 40%....and irrespective of all that, I really am hoping that I dont get into that vicious loop where I fool myself in believing that what I am doing today is for an end result. I am trying to keep myself out of that illusion - I want to believe I am doing what I do only for now and for today. If they feel happy now with what I do for them - that is and that should remain satisfaction enough for me.
If someday that ceases to be my satisfaction - THAT should be the day I should think of letting them be and do something which will give me that satisfaction.
Yet I am not there for them all the time - I go for my French lessons, I go out and dine with friends(even when the kids are yet to go to bed), I dont feed them(most of the time) and I dont think I need to be glued to them to be 'with' them, but I like to listen to them when they come back from school, like their excitement when I say I may pick them up oneday. It's simple everyday happiness that matters - not always the end result.
The Gondolier
For Arunav's school which had Italy week...
Reflections
I dont know why I am going through this 'philosophical phase' in life where everything I feel like writing, turns out to be philosophy! I talked and listened to someone in love today and I realized how someone in love is capable of lot of good out of the happy feeling overwhelming them and at the same time be very cruel...to anything, anyone that hinders them. There's nothing new about this but when life suddenly threw up this moment, the intensity and contrast of the two feelings startled me. But the light in her face was all-engulfing - it was beautiful!
'Life piled on life were all too little'
A moment's peace is all I ask. And my prayers are answered today. The morning is cold and the winter sun is nice and warm on my window - both the kids are at school and I have time to feel, to acknowledge my feelings! I sat down to do my French but it couldn't express the happiness in me - that warm feeling of a contented soul. So I sat down to write.
The other day a friend asked why I am studying French, 'why the stress?' was her question and I was taken aback. For many studying is stressful - for me I am having so much fun and I relish it so much! I felt hesitant to say,"But there's no stress - I love it!" I felt I was one nerd who loved 'studying' - dont we all study in one form or the other - just the subject varies....This is life for me.
"How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
..........
Life piled on life
were all too little,....."
The funniest little thing
Aarushi is turning out to be the funniest little creature! She just joined a little bigger school which has longer hours(3 hrs as opposed to 1.5 before). Yesterday while bringing her back, we walked through the lovely little path covered with trees and I asked her what she did in school(kids must be so bugged by this boring question moms ask every single day!) I was prepared to hear I sang I played but no, she very simply said,"I slept." It was all I could do not to laugh - but Aarushi there's no place to sleep in school! "Yes there is, I sat in the chair and slept!"
This is the thing I love about children - they are sooo sooo natural! How can one not fall in love with them?
A Reunion
The man who ruled that class as completely as anyone could.
I had the best vacation this winter. I absolutely loved going back to my university - it was doubly pleasurable because so many friends visited and reconnecting with them felt so great! It was fun to see that some of the equations remained same, some had changed and some did not know whether the change has happened or not - so there was the air of unpredictability....but there was a general air of happiness around to meet old faces after life has induced some amount of certainty into what lies ahead :)
Just the stepping into the campus made us 10 years' younger and as I told a friend, I felt no different. The kids were the only reminders of an era having passed by.
"kuchh chhoti chhoti baatein rahe jaati hain..."
