Kids and Parental pressure
Even when I juggle to keep the balance between them and myself ...
Today when I went to school for a meeting and some parents said how they were amazed at Arunav's maths skills and they went on and on for a while...in spite of myself, I couldnt but feel touched.
I always try to think, they will grow and who knows who is going to become what - who is good in maths, who is good in art now at the age of 6 - does that ensure my little kids will be happy in life?
I want him to be a good human being
I want him to be happy
I want him to be ready to bear the storms of life....
I want him to be someone who can stay positive in spite of setbacks, failures and mistakes in life
I want him to never lose the zeal for life...no matter what life deals out to him
yes, that's all that I want for him..... (ha ha, such a long list of wants and then I say "that's all that I want for him!!)
So I try not to get myself too bothered about whether he does good in this or that. Yet, I could not but feel glad today...ha, I was disappointed at my reaction!
I have to tell myself 10 times over again - no dont be glad, if you feel glad about that, unconsciously you will want him to be good at this and that....so dont get into that trap....dont get into that trap of parental pressure of performance!
To swim
When the swim support was taken away for the first time, Arunav/Aarushi struggled - they could stay afloat, they could swim already - but they did not know that, they still wanted to cling on to the support for dear life....when suddenly they realized - ah no, I dont need that anymore....I really can swim, I am not going to drown - this water all around me is not going to suffocate me, I am not going to go under. It takes them a while to know that, till that time they are petrified, they will not survive. Then they swim.
School again
It was my first visit to the school after the summer holidays. If not anything else, the heat was killing me as I stood outside the gates waiting for the kids to come out. It was sunny, hot and humid. I looked up to the windows above the gate and wondered to myself why I was doing that, what was I looking for, what was I waiting for....all the time!! The kids came out.
The heat was sweltering.....the narrow road was full of complaining kids:
"I am tired, pick me up mama."
"I cant walk, it is so hot."
"When will the taxi come, why did you not buy a car?" :)
"Mama I want water."
The rain was much welcome when it finally came down in really big drops with great force.
At the dentists
It is not funny - the number of times I have been to the dentist for Arunav.. I have never been for myself ever and this is my son!
I sit during these trials and try to focus on anything but that dreaded chair! Poor boy.
So I sat and watched the harbour with the orange clouds, the tall office tower - the windows of which reflected the setting sun right into the dentists' chamber. The ferries scurry from one side to the other. I can see the one leaving for Discovery Bay - long time .....and I dont want to see ferries anymore. So I turn and look at the promenade in front of the ferry. I can see myself sitting there on a night with the lights blinking on the shore, the breeze blowing, the cool of the late night of a very hot day and two women struggling with their pain, two souls trying to swim to the shore, two souls searching for the beauty that was..... was it an attempt to build back a crumbled bridge or just looking at the shambles of one that can never be built again.
I turn away. I go and hold the hand of Arunav so the teeth doesn't hurt.
When do I eat?
Someone yesterday asked me, you blog so much - you are in FB - you are in chat - when do you eat?
I gave some lame answers like oh it hardly takes me a few minutes to write (which is true), I am really not so much in FB and chat is very very rare....but I guess the essence of that question was more like 'why do you write so much'???
Today morning when that question suddenly came to my head, my head answered because when I write I breathe. Now, I like that answer, it goes really close to what I feel....but how many people can understand that. They all have their noses, not their pens to breathe with...so I let it be. I cant help people's thinking...but I can still write :) Sometimes I write good, sometimes I write crap, sometimes I talk sense, sometimes I dont....but I love to write and I really dont need to be defensive about that, do I?
