Deep and superficial
Sometimes just sitting outside the hospital room is the biggest awakening and moment of truth that one can experience. One can look at the realities and dwell on the fluffs that are necessary to keep hope alive, to live life, to keep the smile going and to do things without thinking of the inevitable. Yes, maya is probably a necessary thing without which life can be very difficult.
And then you come out, push that reality of oneday to make space, have dinner with visitors to the town. But you are not unaffected. The showoff of a Coach, the craving for a Louis Vuitton, the happiness with dresses, bags, shoes all seem like children toys keeping grown-up children happy - the casual flings ,'You know we had it when we were in Russia..... Singapore Quai is happening, Jungfrau is ....' and the talks space you out.... the shows appear so meaningless to you... yet for aspiring developing country citizens probably that aspiration is what spurs growth, etc.
But it still seems futile as the picture of a man struggling to understand 'what are my limits now - can I walk, can I hold a glass without my hand shaking the damn water out - can I eat fun food - am I left an invalid?' floats up in front of your eyes and you want the frivolities to go, you want the Coach-aspirants to see and enjoy what they have - but you cannot. No one can till a force greater than you decides to show it to them. It's beyond us, it's not upto us.
Deeper than all
Everytime I feel good about the frivolous things around me, I face reality - or I ask myself what is real and what is maya? I see Kedarnath - the place which is real, that which is real....
Totally shaken by the news of a friend's illness and sudden hospitalization. I feel useless being happy about grades, being happy about Arunav's first prize. Or is it my age which brings death, illness so close - it always happened to another generation, now it is so close. Ahh, but I am not 60 - why then? Why dont we see life till it threatens us - death, illness is so much more real... yet we want to be happy with achievement, what is achievement?
The shock, the pain, the fear
makes all frivolous, all meaningless.
Reaching deeper than the deepest depth
Feeling lighter than any feeling ever felt
The feeling of nothingness around.
The fear of seeing reality we do not want to see
Riding the waves of hope and fear,
To fight or face the inevitable...
oneday, someday?
Praying for you Sid - may you come out of the operation and bring the smile back in Saby's face.
Straight As
Ha - that was a sound I learned to hear and respect when I came to HK, but never really knew what it actually meant, till I entered HKU and have managed to achieve that. Hmm, feels good. I got my grades yesterday ad felt damn good to see all my essays got A.
Rain and the bow
Does it really have to rain for the rainbow to be there? Soft little hands checking out mama's words. Heat and rain, rain and rainbow....building and destroying.
The Jade Dragon story
Arunav's other story won first place in Sarah Brennan's competition:
http://sarahbrennanblog.com/
and the story is in:
http://sarahbrennanblog.com/competitions-and-challenges/
The Baiji Dolphin one he took more care and wrote over a time, but this one was in a hurry - so very proud of him. Secretly, I still like the Baiji Dolphin one - maybe because it was his first story and he surprised me with his language and imagination (loved the fire in bronze sheath). But Arunav sure will be proud of this one.
Hope
The frame from my careless hands fell
The moment it left my hand, I knew it's gone.
Yet I watched and hoped till it reached the ground
Maybe gravity will cease; it's gonna hang around.
Splinters, splatters,swept away till there were none.
Ichha, ichhapuron
shokoli tomari ichha - ichhamoyee tara tumi, tomar kormo tumi koro ma, loke bole kori ami.....
ami jeno na bhuli.
Origins of us
I know it is pretty normal to have pointed questions from kids about how and where they come from. I was pretty satisfied with my mother's 'you came from the cupboard in the hospital' answer for a very long time. I know no parent can get away with that in the current age and I know many would not want to.
Arunav has so far not asked, though I know he thinks about it but scarily enough he thinks 'he knows'.
The other day we travelled a bit quietly in a taxi when I heard him speaking to himself '...but if only two human beings were there and then we all came, we must be brothers and sisters all of us.... but then how can that be, brothers and sisters are not supposed to marry each other...' and he kept quiet and kept looking out of the window.
He must have thought, as usual, we are not listening to him. Little does he know, like them, we also listen selectively and we too do not miss the most important things they utter.
Splashes
of water as she swam in the blue water
little feet, little arms
swirling and twirling, happy and bubbling
a summer afternoon's breeze,
a lazy moment to please,
a smile, a moment, a peace
to savour,
before it's lost in eternity.
The myth
Arunav wrote this Myth which got selected from his school (10 out of 200 entries) to go for the competition of HK young writers. I loved it - it is so not something I would ever think of writing, totally boyish adventures and language :) We had no contribution to it other than correcting punctuation and giving him the websites to do research on the Yangtze River geography. He did not win any final HK level prize, but we are nevertheless very proud of it.
M - this is the writing I was talking about....
Baiji Dolphin and the Golden Eagle
A
zillion years ago, might have been an aeon ago, only one creature had fire and
that was the fastest, meanest dolphin in the world, the Baiji Dolphin. Baiji
dolphin lived midstream of the mighty Yangtze river which was full of fierce
rapids and dangerous shoals. The Dolphin was the most annoying, shrewdest yet
strongest animal on earth. When all the other animals tried to fight him they
backed off as soon as he flicked his tail, realizing they were no match for
him.
Near
the Dongting Lake of Yangtze river, on a sturdy, tall tree, there lived an
intelligent eagle. He never had fire, so he had to feel his way in the dark and
his beak chattered in the night. He often pleaded Baiji Dolphin for fire but
soon realized it was of no use. Once when he pleaded for fire he asked, “What
about all the animals near Yangtze River? How are they supposed to see in the
dark?” “They must perish in the dark,” said Dolphin gruffly, whacking the Eagle
into Dongting Lake with his tail.
Years
flashed by until the Eagle decided to design the Three Gorges dam to trap
Dolphin. The Eagle called all the living creatures together and asked them to
help him build the dam so everyone could get fire. It was difficult to build
the dam because of the strong currents of the river but all creatures
cooperated and finished the job. Because of its weaknesses in sight and
hearing, the Baiji Dolphin did not know its life was in danger from the dam.
After the dam was built, Dolphin was indeed trapped. With no access to food,
the Baiji Dolphin starved to death. To this millennia, Baiji Dolphins are
believed to be almost extinct.
The
Eagle then swiftly flew down to steal fire. Since he wasn’t used to it, he had
a ghastly experience of a burn which made the Eagle’s plumage around his neck
and head turn into a metallic gold colour. That plumage gives it a golden glow
which is how it got its name Golden Eagle.
Then
Golden eagle did a spin in the air and tossed one spark into every living
species’ home. He put the rest in a secret vault which appeared at any animals
need, except for those with evil intentions. Its true secret location was at
the deepest point of Poyang Lake of the Yangtze River, in a celestial bronze
sheath, which is how Dolphin carried fire around with him in the water. The
Golden Eagle gave a golden feather to his son and hid a map of the secret
location at his home. If needed his son could find the map and protect himself
with the feather along the journey to the secret location.
With
the villainous Chinese Sturgeon on the way, his journey wasn’t easy, but that’s
another adventurous myth!
Like father like son
The other day while travelling to a remote corner of Hong Kong, I casually told Arunav, "Arunav ask papa to buy a car now :)" Arunav's reply to me (much to Shyam's amusement), "Why do we need a car? I like travelling by train. Plus car will be so much more expensive, train and bus is cheaper." Argh!! I have to bet on Aarushi next time.
