Mother in a different world
Does this happen to every mother, when one doesnt want to talk about kids or curriculum or extra-curricular activities and school and playdates and how cute they are and how bright they are or like children go through 'phases' I am also going through one?
I just dont feel like writing anything about Arunav or Aarushi. I get this queer feeling that by blogging about them I probably am stifling them ! Oh no, please dont ask me the logic of that - I have NO clue.
I just know that every time I click on that 'new post' I just think of writing about poems, things beautiful, my french class or a lovely movie I saw or my friends I think of and miss......
I am hoping this is akin to post-partum depression (I never experienced any so not sure what it really is) and I will soon be the doting mother :) Till then I might be excused if I only quote poems I love.
posted by Tuya @ 21:14
3 Comments:
Amer to mone hoy. First being yourself will help you to being a good mother.
Tui to oder jonno career ke priority dis ni.
Aber nijer bhalo laga jinis gulo tei jodi na ektu time spent korbi to tor mone hobe toke hariye phelchis. Ter theke depression ase.
I am happy seeing my dearest friend being philosophic and romantic mood again. :)
Yes it does... i think motherhood is all about giving... giving without question and in today's world giving with the added stress of what we as mother's have given up personally to give our children the very best we can give, in some cases even beyond what we can give.
I don't know where and how these last 7yrs flew by for me. Infact, as I look back on them, I do not even know how I did what I did. Don't know where I found the strength or the will... probably in my kids, probably in the knowledge that if I don't do it no one else will, or in the mom's night out.
Last few months have been difficult, as I entertained the prospect of going back to work, mind you not even a career yet. Just something to keep me sane and intellectually stimulated. The kid to tech conversation switch was taxing and exasperating. But REFRESHING... and THRILLING when you could solve a silly brain teaser handed to you by some 20yr old or remember some strange mathematical formulation in an old textbook.
Today, I have the option of joining the work force in two weeks. And as my husband put it, "a life changing event." Yes, it will be both for me and for the rest of the family. As excited as I am to head back to the corporate world, I am paralyzed with the daunting task of making sure that my transition to the work place is as transparent as possible to my kids. Do I need to do that? I don't know. Do I feel the need to do that? Yes. The questions from my older one, on whether he will have to drop out of his favorite activities and not have play dates haunt me. The question looms again... am I being selfish ?
I have hopefully given them a strong foundation, a sense of value and tools to use good judgment. In a way I have exhausted my capacity. I need to go out and rejuvenate so I can add more value to their lives and mine. I agree if I am not happy, I cannot make my family happy. My going back to work at this point is maybe even good for them, to give them a bigger and better perspective on life, to make them more independent and responsible and self reliant.
Even though I have doubted my decision and myself these last few months, I am ever so happy that I spent these last 7yrs at home with my boys. I would never change them. That smile, the hug, that unconditional love, that acceptance I would have never had from the corporate world or even another individual. To have given 7 of my 30+ odd years of career to something as important as this is negligible. To see this miracle unfold in front of me is priceless. Don’t know what the results are going to be… as you said, postponed gratification or maybe not… but I will rest peacefully knowing that I did give it my all, and I was lucky enough to have had that opportunity and option to do it. I have another 20+ years in front of me to make and do what I would like to of my career. But my babies are now little young men, the older one cannot even fit in my lap anymore – they sure do grow up quick.
Wow - you should be blogging dear - it was really great reading your views!
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